RAGGED ANGEL
San Francisco is not your dream
holder, not the cool side
of the pillow you remember.
Most days you apprentice
the Island, roam the Tenderloin
over cracked concrete.
A heroin haze hides
you from ignoring eyes.
Side street dealers
chase your sleep,
seep in, chip away,
leaving nothing
but death kissing
a ragged angel
goodnight.
January 7, 2008 at 7:56 am
Very strong and direct poem. Has a kind of inevitability in its gathering tempo and there is a kind of haze across it too. In fact, reading it again I think you have a classic pivot in the middle, heroin haze…ignoring eyes, the subtle symbiosis of the two phrases throws a haze over the whole poem. And ends also in a neat balanced image and the duality of the goodnight , as if both death and the poet were saying it. Feel free to edit this comment down to its appropriate size. I am extemporalising,
January 7, 2008 at 7:59 am
Also the cracked concrete balances the chipping away if the pivot is in the middle, and then tying it up tight at the end. Structurally very sophisticated, emotionally very subtle. It doesn’t allow itself to decline into the maudlin or the romantic. I could go on, but I will leave your poem alone now, sorry.
January 7, 2008 at 10:53 am
I like how the structure mirrors the subject, tapering off until death bestows it’s final kiss, as it always does.
January 7, 2008 at 5:56 pm
Very clever but not obviously so, which is wonderful. A very strong message to her that we get a glimpse of - lovely.
January 7, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Builds beautifully to an excellent close; the contrast between seep in/chip away is brilliant, and the use of ragged is inspired…..another special one from you, Scot!
January 8, 2008 at 1:11 am
Thanks Paul for your comments–I always appreciate your visit and insight!
January 8, 2008 at 1:12 am
Eric
Glad you stopped by again–I will return the favor asap.
January 8, 2008 at 1:13 am
Jo
Ah, The close came easily on this one. Thanks for you r kind comments.
January 8, 2008 at 1:14 am
Narnie
Thanks for your comments–you are too kind!