San Francisco is not your dream

holder, not the cool side

of the pillow you remember.

Most days you apprentice

the Island, roam the Tenderloin

over cracked concrete.

A heroin haze hides

you from ignoring eyes.

Side street dealers

chase your sleep,

seep in, chip away,

leaving nothing

but death kissing

a ragged angel



9 Responses to RAGGED ANGEL

  1. gingatao! says:

    Very strong and direct poem. Has a kind of inevitability in its gathering tempo and there is a kind of haze across it too. In fact, reading it again I think you have a classic pivot in the middle, heroin haze…ignoring eyes, the subtle symbiosis of the two phrases throws a haze over the whole poem. And ends also in a neat balanced image and the duality of the goodnight , as if both death and the poet were saying it. Feel free to edit this comment down to its appropriate size. I am extemporalising,

  2. gingatao! says:

    Also the cracked concrete balances the chipping away if the pivot is in the middle, and then tying it up tight at the end. Structurally very sophisticated, emotionally very subtle. It doesn’t allow itself to decline into the maudlin or the romantic. I could go on, but I will leave your poem alone now, sorry.

  3. Eric1313 says:

    I like how the structure mirrors the subject, tapering off until death bestows it’s final kiss, as it always does.

  4. Narnie says:

    Very clever but not obviously so, which is wonderful. A very strong message to her that we get a glimpse of – lovely.

  5. johemmant says:

    Builds beautifully to an excellent close; the contrast between seep in/chip away is brilliant, and the use of ragged is inspired…..another special one from you, Scot!

  6. Scot says:

    Thanks Paul for your comments–I always appreciate your visit and insight!

  7. Scot says:

    Glad you stopped by again–I will return the favor asap.

  8. Scot says:

    Ah, The close came easily on this one. Thanks for you r kind comments.

  9. Scot says:

    Thanks for your comments–you are too kind!

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