Comanche County in Six Sentences

We eat chicken fried steak at the Tomahawk Café on Main Street, behind the rows of dusty Ford pickup trucks where everybody calls me Hoss. It is the Oklahoma is OK small town with oil wells at the edge of a one street town where most of the houses are painted white and chickens scratch at the edge of the road. Joe’s Barber Shop, next door, has a back room for whiskey and poker with cheap cigar smoke that hangs over the game of five card stud, jacks or better to get the local Indians drunk and take their government checks. Sam Two Feathers thinks it is still better than the reservation because the locals let him sleep it off on a bench behind the shop and pat him on the back when he is broke and that is better than the alternative. The wake-up call is an old dog that licks his face good morning. Sam will sit up, stare down into the red dirt trying to clear his head and then stagger down to the Tomahawk where I will order him biscuits and red-eye gravy and everybody will call him chief.

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11 Responses to Comanche County in Six Sentences

  1. I like this. Very descriptive. You pack a lot into six sentences, without saying too much.

    -Nicole

  2. Jo Janoski says:

    I like this. It has it all-sights, sounds, tastes, and smells, characters, a sense of time and place. How did you do it with so few words?

  3. Julie says:

    YAY! Scot’s here!! Damn you…I miss you! But I’ll take the damn away, because you are redeemed with this wonderful piece:)

    Chickens scratching beside the road, biscuits and red eye gravy. So many beautiful details packed into six sentences. Your work is awesome. Take care!

  4. johemmant says:

    a huge amount here…….very well done.

  5. paisley says:

    a perfect snap shot….

  6. nathan1313 says:

    yep, pretty much perfect I’d say.

  7. nectarfizz says:

    Hmmm…yummy yummy yummy..why can’t I write my imagery so fine?

  8. maurie says:

    A perfect assessment of a large amount , excellent.

  9. Rob says:

    Nicely done. (And I love the length!)

  10. Nazca says:

    That was amazing because nothing more needs to be said. I know towns like this and it touched my heart to see it described so perfectly. I want to learn how to do this!

  11. Scot says:

    thanks rob!
    Nazca–practice/revise/revise–every word counts

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